Rock Out With Your Cock Out

More pornographic advertising! Recently a lucky Runway Reporter was accosted with 15 large-scale dickheads wearing flashy 70's and 80's inspired sunnies at the launch of Ksubi's new Eyewear range. To quote the spluttering sheila unsure of where to look:

"Ksubi's latest fashion show pushes the boundaries as they take their sunglasses
where the sun don't shine."

Said shades were displayed proudly upon flaccid penises, whose pubic hairs were styled to resemble infamous 'dos of the famous and fabulous, and testicles were charmingly given faux mouths to add homosapien character. The image above refers directly to David Hasslehoff, and was taken from Gool, who is apparently in possession of a calendar featuring these shots, and will scan each month's photograph for your viewing pleasure.

Exhibitionist Consumerism

Porno Marketing - it's worth it!

I have yet to conclude whether this is legitimate, but there is apparently a business pushing the idea of product placement in pornographic photographs to sell brands.

The low-down is that certain businesses hoping to induce in customers "emotions such as desire, excitement and arousal" for their brand can contact this website, where amateur exhibitionists submit sexy pictures of themselves, with the said product involved or placed somewhere within the frame.

I suppose it makes sense.

Lesbian chicks encouring teenage boys to brush their braces with Colgate.

If you drink Dasani, your girlfriend will get a brazilian. True story.

Pizza Hut won't make you fat - it'll give you a cute white-woman's booty, I tell you.

iPods double as sex toys. Also, chicks dig guys in bands, so it only makes sense to bring your iPod to bed, resulting in her believing that "music is your life, man".

Everyone already knew cigarettes were sexy. But here a horny single mother proves Marlboros aren't only for cowboys.

Ne Me Quitte Pas

One of my pet hates is when people make assumptions regarding your personal life. They base their opinions on age, appearance, occupation, material possessions and how you act in public while you're in a relationship. The fact is, nobody knows what exactly occurs after you've discreetly closed your bedroom door, stripped naked and watch late night SBS films with your loved one. Ofcourse I'm guilty of this contemptuous sin myself, but if you think of your own relationships with your parents, siblings, friends and partners, then I'm sure the reality is entirely at odds to what you imagine other people see when they attempt to meddle.

It must be difficult to live your life in the public eye, so to speak, as many "celebrities" do. Even despite this, there are still some people that manage to retain a sense of mystery, and consequently intrigue us all to no end.

Exhibit A

Briefly married couple, Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller. Sexy screen starlet meets brooding playwright, resume tempetuous relationship and eventually divorce - girl dies tragically, boy fails to produce the striking works of his past.

Exhibit B

Drug-fuelled three-year relationship between Marianne Faithful and Mick Jagger. Ends dramatically as girl overdoses on sleeping pills in Australia, lapsing into a one-week coma.

Exhibit C

Bohemian, sexually overt and controversial French song-writing duo, Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg, were together throughout the 60's and 70's, until girl falls pregnant to other man and leaves moody, eccentric, chain-smoking boy.

Exhibit D

Peace-loving, song-writing pop star John Lennon latches on to obscure performance artist Yoko Ono and shocks the world with their nudist antics.

Exhibit E

Modern papparazzi favourite, couple Kate Moss and Pete Doherty have so far survived girl's ubiquitous presence in tabloids and boy's amazing ability to get arrested.

Can anyone else think of any famous couples? Put your hands up, don't all talk at once! Yes, you in the corner?

*Post inspired (brazenly stolen) by Robert Greenfield's article on Style Radar.

18th Century Swingers

Everyone recognises this painting from the Rococo Era (1767, to be exact), by French artist Jean-Honore Fragonard, non? It's a charming, gleefully laughing young lady rollicking on her swing, surrounded by a glittering fairy-tale garden, some onlooking cherubs and two suave admirers. Oh how the sun illuminates her rouged cheeks and brigtens her pretty lace dress - it's a picture of loveliness, personifying romance and happiness and all that wonderful shit!

Well, perhaps I'm the only dim-witted thick head in all of the universe, because I had never noticed that the man spasming in the grass at her feet is in fact looking up her dress! To add more obscenity to this image, it was customary at the time for aristocratic French women to wear no underwear! The shame!

According to evadyne on Everything2.com (a shaky source, I do realise, but who could be bothered researching for the few unappreciative readers I have),

"The Swing was petitioned by a French aristocrat, who needed something for his cabinet (A Cabinet Painting was usually something equivalent to pornography). Most cabinet paintings contained nude or semi-nude women ... [but] The Swing's main component was intrigue.

You see, the woman on the swing is the aristocrat's mistress. The man pushing the swing is a bishop, and the man hiding in the bushes is none other than the patron himself.

The fear of getting caught was somewhat of a turn-on for him, which is thought to be why he wanted her shoe to be kicked off. When the shoe falls off, who is to go find it but the bishop, walking right in the direction of the patron, who is positioned quite strategically, looking directly up her skirt."

How delightfully naughty!

Pseudo-Paedophilia

Overjoyed at recieving my bi-monthly fix of magazine-love from Russh Australia, I opened the glossy, finger print-free cover, only to find the most unsettlingly sexy advertisement I've ever encountered. There, right in front of me, were bare breasts, nipples covered by carefully-positioned denim suspenders, a pre-pubescent redhead donning Lolita sunglasses purring in the direction of sleazy photographer Terry Richardson, reflected shirtless in the mirror behind her.

How did this display of soft-core porn courtesy of Lee Jeans get past the tight-arsed Australian Advertising Standards Board? As reported by The Age, apparently

"...the woman is over 18, is fully clothed in attire that is fashionable amongst young women for summer, and that there is no nudity"

I'd say she was quite nude if you asked me, but nobody did so I should shut up. However, does anyone really wear shorts with braces and nothing else? I'd like to meet them and avoid looking like I'm avoiding looking at their tits.

"The board also [notes] that consumption of this style of lollipop is now common amongst people over 18"

If they have a Peter Pan Complex, perhaps. Or are ravers.

More porn from Terry Richardson for Lee Jeans:

Synchronised Global Orgasm

Looking for an excuse to blow your load?

Apparently Friday the 22nd of December is the appointed day for a Global Orgasm, in which anyone can participate by concentrating all their energies on world peace before and after they come.

This isn't just some sicko jerking off to the thought of millions of people fucking simultaneously, but to "add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world" according to the organisation's mission statement.

So go ahead - grab the next chick you see, start fucking her, and if she protests, then tell her it's for a good cause: "We're changing the world here, bitch, don't you want peace? Now shut up and take it for mankind."